Monkey Carnage

Big Bear was sitting at his table, sipping honeyed tea and nibbling at the assorted crumpets before him. The morning was picturesque - birds flilting through the air, dew clinging to the grass, and the earthy smell of spring was in the breeze. Big Bear breathed in deeply, and closed his eyes.

A fiendish shriek ripped his eyes open. Big Bear stumbled to his feet as he tried to swallow his heart back into his chest. He could hardly believe the sight before him. A full-grown monkey was dancing on the table and a ceaseless diarehea of squeals, grunts, and other profane noise ruptured the morning peace.



Big Bear sank back into his seat, cocked his head slightly to the left, and growled at the monkey. "Get your circus act off my table or I'll rip your legs off."

The monkey, enraged by the growls, began hissing at Big Bear and assaulting him with a barrage of kicks and buffets. So Big Bear ripped his left leg clear off.

Much to his surprise, the monkey grabbed the leg and started beating Big Bear across the snout with it.


So Big Bear ripped his other leg off too.

Unable to prance about, the monkey began making impudent faces at Big Bear.

So Big Bear gave the monkey a little tug on his arms and a cuff on the head to silence him.

Let's just say it suceeded.

Then Big Bear closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair, cradling his teacup as he breathed deeply of the spring chill.

~~~

And the moral of this story is that when your bride asks you to dispose of the decorations from your child's second birthday party, even that can be fun!

Thanks for the creative monkey-making skills, Auntie Stephie!